this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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