I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
