There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
