rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize