plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
