im gay
i know
yea but for you.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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