What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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