I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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