There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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