If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
