You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
