I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
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Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
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Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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