I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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