I can tuck mytits in my pants
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Randomize
