Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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