remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
