I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Randomize
