I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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