I heard we made out
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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