dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Randomize
