It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
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