I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I am mentally ready for anal.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
