the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
