im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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