i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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