a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
