In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
