I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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