dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
