I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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