apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
