you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
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