I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
