it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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