I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
