so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
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