Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
