My liver just broke up with me...
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
