I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
