I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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