Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
nutella sex= disaster
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Randomize
