what day is it and did you see me today?
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
