piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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