Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
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