My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
