just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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