All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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