So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
