note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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