we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
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