Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Randomize
