and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
