Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize