he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
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