hotel room ftw
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Can't talk, ducks in the car
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
