hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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