I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
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