I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Randomize
