Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
