Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
So many bounce houses so little time
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
