i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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