got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
