she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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