Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Randomize
