Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
