I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
MIDGETS
????
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Randomize
