so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
