I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
